Of self-discovery and changes

I have learnt something in the past few months since Himself popped the question and I said "yes":

Preparing and getting married is a chapter in our lives, and how it is in itself a journey of self-discovery and change. For example, Germs told me how she finds her sister, Fiona, is being fickle-minded when it comes to her wedding, not knowing exactly what she wants. I think it is because Fiona is in a place where she is trying to find herself, the perfect gown, bridal shoes, or wedding settings that resonates with her.

Isn't it a phase in our adolescent years that we could all relate to? Finding our own identity in a world that can often proved exhilarating and overwhelming at the same time? Thumbing through one bridal magazine after another and working through all the myriad of bridal gowns are somewhat similar.

Also, I realised that beside coming to know myself better, I realised that we change and perhaps grow and evolve in the process too. I am so glad that I am given the luxury of time in this journey, to pay more attention to the things that happen and learn from it.

When I first embarked on this, I thought I wanted to something more childlike - braids and flowers in my hair. It has not changed, but it has evolved. I wanted a more womanly look with traces of childlikeness. Perhaps it was not the childlikeness that I was striving for, but the concept of being carefree with a subtle defiance, snubbing conventions and following one's heart. At the same time, I would like to be able to reflect femininity, soft but resilient.

This line of thought gradually caused me to explore more into Bohemian style. I now see myself wearing beaded brocade shoes rather than shoes with lace. I see the possibility of a head band made of lace and pearls instead of flowers set amongst a head of braids and long, flowing curls (which reminds me, I need to start growing out my hair!)

Some of the hairpieces that I really love (at this point in my life):

from http://wish-upon-a-wedding.com

Erica Elizabeth design Fall/Winter 2013

I am also started to be attracted to lace details and pearls:

http://www.stylemepretty.com

Vintage Lace Wedding Dress

I think I am currently into the idea of something between vintage and bohemian style. Still trying to "find myself" through all these explorations.

Part 2: Learning to love better

Himself and I are no different from any couple that comes together. Being unique individuals, we are a relationship where similarities and differences harmonise and clash at the same time. In our case, we are more different than we are similar and it has caused us both a lot of pain at times.

Our recent disagreements only amplified how very different we are but in the midst of it all, we still find it in both our hearts to love and cherish each other. I shared with Merv that there were times when I resented being with Himself. My exact words were, "I think a part of me died when I got together with him."

Himself is a very pragmatic, predictable and steadfast person who would rather cut cost on the wedding and put more money into paying for our future home while I am a romantic at heart and love spontaneous moments. Spontaneous and unplanned encounters are like stolen moments in time - candid, precious and memorable. I think he killed off a little of that free-spirit in me over time.

I dream of a near future where we would do road trips in our travels and I would pack my wedding gown in the car trunk, capturing memorable and spontaneous moments wearing it. I imagine a future where we would travel to see northern lights and hug each other in the cold. My heart soared at these thoughts.

In reality, it will be hard for Himself to go away with me because of his commitment at work, to the church and his sheep, as well as his financial constraints. Also, he is never someone big on spontaneity, a quality which I dearly wished for in him at times.

I was lamenting to Merv how Himself would prefer a function room over a beautiful lawn for the sake of cost and pragmatism on our one and only wedding day. It broke my heart and I nearly cried when we discussed that last friday. No evergreen arcs, no rustic benches, no solemnisation under the sun.

It was made even worse when Himself said that he might want to use our wedding as an opportunity for some of our guests to come to know God. He had tentative plans of preaching at his own wedding. At that moment when he said that, I could feel myself collapsing inwards in horror. I wanted to run away from it all.

Merv listened through it all patiently and he then told me that he gave up his dream of getting married in a church so as to grant his wife her dream wedding, simply because he loves her, and he loves her more than his own dream wedding.

I kind of see his point but I still cannot help feeling sad and disappointed. Nonetheless, I am determined to work things through with Himself though, because I believe that we will emerge from this whole episode stronger and understanding each other's needs better.

In the midst of wedding planning, conflicts are bound to arise. I am learning to take it all in my stride and strive to be as creative with my solutions as possible. Staying positive is key.

An even more important lesson I learnt (although it is something so obvious but yet at times overlooked) is to continue to love your other half, even in the face of conflicts and disagreement. In the bigger scheme of life, the wedding day may be significant, but it is just a day in a lifetime of marriage.

Part 1: Aspects of a garden wedding

Last friday evening, the night out with Himself did not end too well. He was not his usual patient, loving and magnanimous self and he got a little snappy at me when we talked about the Hort Park and the possible issues we might face. It turned out that he was falling sick and that caused him to be very cranky. Although he could not help it, it hurt me and I went home feeling very sad.

I was very fortunate that just hours ago, I had a walk and dinner with Merv and managed to put certain things in perspective. Although there were no conclusive outcomes on the venue, I ended the night feeling much better and learning a thing or two about loving my other half.

While we took an evening walk at Bishan Park, Merv and I talked about the possible issues that may crop up during an outdoor wedding. As a seasoned photographer, a married man and a very wise friend, he gave me his two cents' worth:

Weather:
Since we are only inviting family members and very close friends as our guests, they will brave any weather just to be there to witness and celebrate the union of their loved ones. Period.

Of course, I would love to make my guests as comfortable as possible. The warm weather could be easily countered by installing ceiling fans in the tents.

As for myself, I had already told Himself that in the worse case scenario where it rains (unless there are thunder and lightning), I will be more than delighted and gleeful to hold his hand and run down the aisle with an umbrella. It will be so much fun and so spontaneous. I just have to make sure that my eyeliner and mascara are waterproof.

Anyway, Merv also pointed out that it should not be too warm in the morning because the ground/lawn will be cold from the night before.

Photography:
From a photographer's point of view, a function room with glass panes that make up most of its walls is not a good place for good photos, because vantage points for taking photographs will be limited, due to the reflection of light and people from the glass panes.

Merv loves the idea of having the solemnisation in the morning too, because morning light can make for very beautiful photographs. I think that it will be even more so in garden settings, where colours are vibrant and bright.

Sound/Acoustics:
Merv shared that the sound in a function room might not necessary be better, because the sound may bounce off the walls and low ceiling. So taking that into consideration, outdoor might not do any worse. With strategically placed sound systems, good acoustics can still be achieved outdoors.

The only issues left now are perhaps the tentage costs and the possibility of a bad weather on the wedding day. I am trying to be creative and thinking of ways to work around the tentage issue. As for the weather, it is an issue of little concern to me because rain or shine, I know that I will still want to marry this silly man.

Online Wedding Dress

04 August 2013, Sunday Morning

It came. I knew it the moment I saw the DHL package. I was filled with mixed feelings - excitement and a little apprehension. I was about to reap the fruit of my craziness. Just what was I thinking when I ordered it online?! USD$183 poorer, filled with bubbling excitement and a teeny bit of self-loathing at my spendthrift ways, I tore it open with gusto, savouring that maddeningly exhilarating moment.

VOILA~! A beaded lace bodice. Lace. More lace. And then the whole dress was free from the package! It did look like what I ordered! Phew! Slipping off my work uniform and slipping into that dreamy dress took less than a minute. I did not look my best after 14 hours of oxidised makeup and work but it was good enough for the moment. With macaroons in my fridge and my wedding dress here, nothing could ruin my white happiness.

It has nothing to do with the wedding dress, but I just wanna show the beautiful colours of the macaroons :D
Look how pretty! It adds life to the whole entry! It inspires me to have lots of colourful balloons at the wedding. It will add colour and life to the photos.

As expected, it did not fit me too well because the vendor made it according to the standard US size 6. It was good enough though. I was contemplating between size 4 and 6 when I bought it. No doubt, size 4 will fit snugly but I did not want it to be so tight that it accentuates the unnecessary curves, or that it causes me to wheeze for need of air. At least with size 6, there would be extra fabric to work with, when I need to alter it to my figure nearing my wedding day.

I love the lace train! Isn't it beautiful?! USD$183 for a wedding dress is a very good buy! So yes, this is one crazy thing I did but I am glad that I did it. I just told myself that the worst thing that could happen is that I get something crappy for USD$183. So I guess all turned out well!

Dreaming of a Garden Wedding - Hort Park

After talking about it so much, we finally went to visit the prospective site yesterday, where we would like to have our wedding. Himself wanted a garden wedding, because he thinks that it is so "me". He wanted the place to be a reflection of me. How sweet is that?

It was a warm and humid afternoon at Hort Park. It is a very beautiful place indeed and I could see why Himself liked it. A spiral staircase led us down to the function rooms and the lawn. I love the green lawn, the serenity and the degree of privacy it offers for a private function. Despite the uncomfortable afternoon, the park itself was surprisingly cool and breezy.

Near the entrance of Hort Park, which leads downstairs to the lawn.

The spiral staircase that leads down to the function rooms and lawn, as well as the black steel bars that provides certain degree of privacy for private events.

A view of the tiered lawn, from the main function room.

Himself talked about simplifying the whole wedding and booking the function room for the event and having a buffet reception outside the function room, facing the lawn. However, I was more in favour of having the wedding on lawn itself. It will be so beautiful and I can totally picture it in my mind.

This was where one of our heated arguments started. Himself was very concerned about the costs of tentage, the acoustic quality in the open air, as well as the humid weather that might make the guests uncomfortable. Also, he did not like the feeling of being subjected to the weather on that day.

I could sort of see his point but in the midst of me throwing a princess tantrum and wanting things my way, we both decided to leave the issues hanging in the air till we do our homework on the highlighted concerns.

Germs and I will be going to to a wedding fair next week and I will be meeting up with Merv soon. I shall try to see if I can find ways to address the concerns. I still maintain that it will be an absolute waste not to make good use of the lawn.

No doubt it will be more costly and troublesome to have a wedding solemnisation on the lawn but I wished so hard that Himself would empathise and understand that this is the only wedding that I am ever going to have. If I planned on having it in the function room, I could very well do it in any function room anywhere.

In this case, I don't mean to be mean but it is just lame to have it in a function room in Hort Park. It is as good as going to Maldives and swimming in the pool when the pristine sea is just right next to it. I think I made my point.

If only we have cooler weather in some months instead of the tropical weather all year round, an outdoor wedding would have been perfect, well without the need for tentage.

Despite having all the disagreements, we both really like that place and agree that it is a beautiful place to say "I do".

Finding the right flower and colour

This evening, Himself and I went to this furniture shop that has an amazing selection of artificial flowers and most of them are sorted according to their colours. I was more inclined towards more delicate tones of pink while Himself preferred pinkish-purple on me. Instead of trying to paint a mental picture of me holding the bouquet, we decided to try seeing the actual effect of the different flowers on me:

When you are not sure about how certain colours or flowers will look on you, it is a good idea to visit shops that sell silk flowers and try holding them. Go with a good friend or your other half who is ready to give honest opinion on what looks best on you.

The conclusion from this trip was: light pink suits me better than pinkish-purple because it kind of brings out my darker-toned skin. The latter colour, although it looks good on me in dresses and accessories, it does not bring out the best in me.

Now with a little more idea on what colour works for me, I am more able to look for more specific ideas for corsages and handheld bouquets.

Some of the things that came to my mind when considering the flower type are:

1) Is it seasonal or is it readily available?
     - Seasonal flowers may be more expensive or not readily available (e.g. tulips, cherry blossoms)
     - for the environmentally-conscious bride, importing flowers = more carbon footprints

2) Does the flower have any significant meaning for both of us?
    - favourite flower?
    - symbolises a memorable event for the couple?

3) Is it hardy and able to last the whole wedding? Does it wilt easily?

4) What is the colour combination that I want, are the colours going to compliment each other?

5) What are the other accompanying flowers in my bouquet that will complete the look?

6) What kind of look for the bouquet am I going for?
     - Romantic? Soft? Bright and cheerful? Unconventional? Vintage?

7) Am I allergic to the flower or pollen? (last but kind of the most important one)
     - certain flowers causes me to have persistent nose itch and I have no plans to look like Rudolph on my big day. Not even for a X'mas-themed wedding. -___-"

Anyhow, most of these considerations are no longer applicable for us because Himself and I decided to use artificial flowers for both the corsages and handheld bouquet. There are many silk flowers and "real touch artificial silk flowers" that feel and look like the real thing. I will be exploring this option and write more on it soon.

Colours, ribbons and beads

I had lunch with mum around the neighbourhood yesterday and we visited Elsie Dept. Store, the haberdashery shop. The shop has been in business for a good three decades and things are as cheap and good as they can get. Although Spotlight has more selections of everything, I will be sure to get whatever I can from Elsie's before heading to Spotlight.

A new roll of ribbon costs as little as SGD$1.20 (0.5cm wide) and SGD$1.60 (2cm wide). For every adhoc purchase of the ribbons, 1 metre is free from every 5 metres purchased. I am very sure that I can get it at even cheaper prices in Canton or other parts of China, but after throwing air ticket and accommodation into the equation, it simply does not make economical sense.

After doing some comparison, I conclude that most of their items are cheaper than Chinatown. The downside is, it is a rather small shop and certain items might not be available. If interested, Elsie Dept Store is located at:

Blk 709 Ang Mo Kio Town Centre Avenue 8 #01-2607 (Tel: (+65) 6451 5519

Here's my steal from yesterday:

All from Elsie's! I have big plans for all these! From bridesmaids' corsages to brooches, shoes embellishments, to invitation cards!

The colour theme of the wedding had been a real head scratcher because everyone has a different opinions of what colour reflects me best. The polls are as follow:

- Himself: deep, royal purple 

- my little sis: turquoise and gold

- my batch girls: bright yellow

- Merv: lavender (I think it is a very sweet and beautiful colour, but it is a little too sleepy for me)

Although I may seem like a very bubbly person who is positive and gregarious, I think that deep inside at the very core, I am a quiet, sensitive and pensive person. After giving it some thought, I felt that somehow, the warm, soft tones of pink resonate more with me. I love bright colours for my accessories and clothes, but not for my wedding day.

Another consideration while deciding on the colour theme was my bridesmaids. Although I am not particular about what my bridesmaids might end up wearing, I would love to have a colour that would compliment everyone. Peachy pink was my best choice - it will bring out the glow on tanned skin as well as the subtle radiance on fair skin. As long as none of them have sallow skin, it will work just great. The second colour of choice would probably be purple in the shades of bluebell flowers or jacaranda flowers.

With my mind somewhat made up on the colour theme, I bought those rolls of ribbons in different widths. The shade of the green ribbons (in small amount) will compliment the peach pink ribbons beautifully. The ivory ribbons are there to make the overall look, well, more wedding-ish. I will choose ivory over white any time; certain shades of white can come across as very harsh and sterile.

I was at the supermarket with Himself when I picked up a bunch of fake roses and asked him if this colour is for me. I personally love it very much though. <3

Although yellow is a very happy colour, Merv who is a freelance photographer for weddings, explained that in a garden wedding setting, yellow will simply blend right in with the greenery. Good point, thank you Merv!

Everything is still somewhat tentative till we confirm a venue. Meanwhile, I am enjoying the exploration process and I am extremely grateful that I have the luxury of time to plan and be creative.

A name at a time

I personally believe that a lot of the wedding stress stems from having too many things to do and having too little time.

One of the most important aspects of a wedding is the guests because those people are most likely going to be loved ones and close friends, and I would absolutely love for them to be there to share and celebrate in the joy of our union as husband and wife.

One of the concerns when doing up the guests list is missing out on the invitation of loved ones. It might result in subsequent awkwardness and possible hurt feelings, marring the memory of a otherwise perfect and joyous occasion.

However, one need not spend hours sitting at the table going through the phone list or Facebook to compile a list; it can be done anytime and anywhere over a period of time, making it much less stressful. It is good to write down even the very obvious guests such as parents and siblings, so that one can have a very clear and complete idea when deciding on the wedding venue and how many guests the place can accommodate.

For me, since I bring my iPad wherever I go, I keep a list in my iPad and I put my guests under different categories. So far, the categories include:

- immediate family members
- aunts and uncles
- bridesmaids
- classmates (sub-catogerized into primary and secondary schools)
- classmates from counselling class
- colleagues
- ex-colleagues (sub-catogerized into ex-companies)
- friends
- church friends

It is not a final list, I just add on to it as and when I remember a dear friend that I have missed out. It happens in the most unexpected time, for example in the midst of a conversation, when my thoughts wander off during a train ride, or just before I fall asleep.

I would "flag" some of the guests who might assume additional roles or have different needs such as being a vegetarian, or Muslim, etc. Also, having been with Himself long enough, we do share a sizeable common pool of friends, so it is very important that we do not invite the same guests twice.

Venue and guests list is a chicken-and-egg situation. We need to have a good idea of the number of guests that we are inviting before we can book the appropriate venue that can accommodate all our guests comfortably. Getting elbowed in the rib or playing musical chair are strictly forbidden.

It is good to send out the invitations early to give guests ample time to reply. This will be especially beneficial for the out-of-town guests, giving them plenty of time to make travel plans and apply for leave from work.