Himself and I are no different from any couple that comes together. Being unique individuals, we are a relationship where similarities and differences harmonise and clash at the same time. In our case, we are more different than we are similar and it has caused us both a lot of pain at times.
Our recent disagreements only amplified how very different we are but in the midst of it all, we still find it in both our hearts to love and cherish each other. I shared with Merv that there were times when I resented being with Himself. My exact words were, "I think a part of me died when I got together with him."
Himself is a very pragmatic, predictable and steadfast person who would rather cut cost on the wedding and put more money into paying for our future home while I am a romantic at heart and love spontaneous moments. Spontaneous and unplanned encounters are like stolen moments in time - candid, precious and memorable. I think he killed off a little of that free-spirit in me over time.
I dream of a near future where we would do road trips in our travels and I would pack my wedding gown in the car trunk, capturing memorable and spontaneous moments wearing it. I imagine a future where we would travel to see northern lights and hug each other in the cold. My heart soared at these thoughts.
In reality, it will be hard for Himself to go away with me because of his commitment at work, to the church and his sheep, as well as his financial constraints. Also, he is never someone big on spontaneity, a quality which I dearly wished for in him at times.
I was lamenting to Merv how Himself would prefer a function room over a beautiful lawn for the sake of cost and pragmatism on our one and only wedding day. It broke my heart and I nearly cried when we discussed that last friday. No evergreen arcs, no rustic benches, no solemnisation under the sun.
It was made even worse when Himself said that he might want to use our wedding as an opportunity for some of our guests to come to know God. He had tentative plans of preaching at his own wedding. At that moment when he said that, I could feel myself collapsing inwards in horror. I wanted to run away from it all.
Merv listened through it all patiently and he then told me that he gave up his dream of getting married in a church so as to grant his wife her dream wedding, simply because he loves her, and he loves her more than his own dream wedding.
I kind of see his point but I still cannot help feeling sad and disappointed. Nonetheless, I am determined to work things through with Himself though, because I believe that we will emerge from this whole episode stronger and understanding each other's needs better.
In the midst of wedding planning, conflicts are bound to arise. I am learning to take it all in my stride and strive to be as creative with my solutions as possible. Staying positive is key.
An even more important lesson I learnt (although it is something so obvious but yet at times overlooked) is to continue to love your other half, even in the face of conflicts and disagreement. In the bigger scheme of life, the wedding day may be significant, but it is just a day in a lifetime of marriage.
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