The scepticism of guests at wedding banquets

In Red Dot city, it is common to have a traditional wedding banquet at hotel ballrooms. It used to be mostly wedding dinners, but in recent years, wedding luncheons are getting more commonplace, because:

1) it is cheaper;
2) it is an alternative for popular wedding dates where most dinner banquet slots at hotels would have been taken; and
3) it suits our busy lifestyle.

In Asian culture, "face" is still a very important thing, especially for the older generation. The wedding banquet is usually done more for the sake of the bride's and groom's parents, so that all the relatives and friends would be invited to dine and celebrate together. In some cases, it is also an opportunity to flaunt their wealth to the relatives; the grander the wedding banquet at a better hotel, the more "face" the parents will have.

I am very fortunate to have very open-minded and understanding mum and future-in-laws who are willing to do away with such traditions. There were some protest from Himself's extended family but he was firm about not having a wedding banquet. Thank God!

In a typical wedding banquet setting, the newlywed couple will probably be at the entrance of the ballroom greeting the guests. When all the guests are seated, there will be the first march-in followed by a eight or ten-course dinner. While all that is happening, the newlyweds will just be going from table to table toasting to the guests with barely time to grab a bite in between. It will be followed by a second march-in in an evening gown and the toasting will continue. Lastly, when the last course is being served (the dessert), the bride and groom will be standing at the entrance thanking the guests for coming.

I see having a wedding banquet not much different from doing a flight. It is alike to welcoming the guests onboard, serve them food, be a good and gracious host, and then thank them at the end of the flight during disembarkation. But the saddest thing I see about the wedding banquet is, I will not be able to have any desserts at all because I will be thanking my guests outside the ballroom. :C

At my age where so many of my friends are getting married and wedding invitations are frequent, I have become rather selective about the weddings I attend because my annual leave is planned 1 year in advance as per my company's requirement. Swapping duties can be rather stressful and tedious therefore I will only consider doing that for my very close friends and loved ones.

Not only are wedding banquets insanely expensive, I also feel that the true purpose of having a banquet is not really there anymore.  I always find the idea of getting invitations from friends who rarely keep in touch rather confounding. What can I say to the newlyweds after the usual "hello and congratulations"? Also, with so many guests to entertain, there won't be much time to catch up anyway.

I have also heard sad stories from my friend Denise who is currently working as a wedding planner in a well-known landmark here. She recounted her encounters with customers who based their invite list on the prospect of making a profit out of their weddings.

Wedding banquets have slowly become mercenary rather than celebratory. Suddenly, family and friends turn into prospective profit-churning machines. This is a Facebook entry from one of my schoolmates:

I kind of had an idea who he was referring to because it was posted a day after the wedding. We have a lot of common friends from school and while I was invited to the said wedding months ahead, some of them said that they were invited only two weeks prior to the wedding. Most of them declined the invitation although they were available because they felt offended that they were on the "back-up list".

I cannot stress enough the importance of sending out wedding invitations earlier. Besides giving out-of-towners ample time to plan their trip, it can also help to prevent any unnecessary misunderstanding that may arise from sending late invitations. Learning point: people talk.

While there will always be very nice people who chose to give the benefit of doubt and tried to point out that the newlyweds probably just wanted to share their joy with him, he retorted with the following reply:

One more learning point: make a sincere effort to catch up with your friends prior to the wedding. It makes the wedding more personal and meaningful.

One last thing: Please follow up with a proper invitation card, unless you know the guests well and they expressed that they are alright with digital invitations (being environmentally friendly). Despite the advancement of technology, some people still prefer a bit of personal touch. ;)